A Poem Called "It"

It,

by theamazinJ

I am It.
Whoever I meet is It.
Everyone is It.
The people we haven't met yet are It.
The people we have met are It.
And, the people we will meet are It, too.
It is a phenomenon we call It.
I am It.
I am the unknown.
I may seem scary with my differences than you,
but I am It and you are It to me,
so to be It is not really a travesty,
not really a catastrophe,
not really a tragedy,
not really a inspiration,
it's not really a frightening,
It's just an anxiety of fears of the unknown.
From anxiety, the It we meet
becomes the enemy the one to be defeated and
the one to be destroyed
because the It takes on what is different
It takes on what is not the same,
and It takes on what we hate to change,
ourselves.
Be It and be the It that can help change the world
in a more positive change we have ever seen before,
and tell the anxiety from the It to Shut up and listen,
since the It is just everyone and everything around us
different than the same,
different than you,
and maybe can change the way you feel,
change the way you experience life,
and feel more power in your heart
to feel the way you can give support to receive everything,
take heart, take your life in your hands,
and grow with It.

A Poem Called "What is ABLE, is UNABLE"

What is ABLE, is UNABLE,

by theamazinJ

ABLE, UNABLE,
DISABLED, you are,
Able you are,
but disabled you are too.
I threw my button through the floor
and found a coin appear in the door.
I am ABLE, but I am DISABLED.
I speak with you with caution,
I speak with my screen I use
with me every day,
I speak with the desktop monitor
to see you, hear you, and understand you.
I use words on Twitter or social media
to learn the concepts you may not get
and listen to what everyone says,
I use Twitter to speak softly, lightly, with brevity.
I use my life to learn every day.
I speak with my voice when I am spoken to,
and I listen with keenness of everything.
I make films and paintings
to express myself even further.
I love nature all of my life,
I love animals more than people,
but I do like people more than anyone can assume.
Able is unable is possible is impossibly amazing,
what is able is also possible is also disabled,
the way we live is the way we give,
the way we give is how much we receive,
and the way we learn is how much we read,
how much we speak even with what we have to use,
everything is good, some things are bad,
but nothing is evil without the purest of bad.
Good is good, life is life,
pulsing through the waves of generations
going pulse pulse pulse,
grabbing the livelihood of your fortune,
and forgetting the depths of your creation.
life is life, able is unable,
when we are all disabled to understand death,
to understand life to the fullest,
and experience the depths of our creations
to understand life of all,
because we are all nature even when
we emerge from our sleep
to wake up to a beautiful day of our own creation.
Life is life, able is unable, and you are disabled.
Disabled feelings in life experiencing our lives
while ability of life grows in the distance,
don't take life for granted.

A Poem called "Dignity of Risk"

Dignity of Risk,

by theamazinJ

I make my choices,
and so do you,
I make my choices,
and they are mine.
My choices are good,
my choices are poor,
but so are yours, either good or poor.
I get to choose
as you choose for your own.
There is a thing called Dignity of Risk,
and everyone gets to decide for themselves.
Regardless of what you say,
regardless of what you think,
and everything that is said,
everything that is done,
and everything that is experienced.
No one can say this, no one can say that,
and everyone gets their way
to do, to say, and experience based on what they feel at the moment.
Self-determination is not radical, it's interdependence, it's life.
When someone has a direction for themselves,
they get to choose, and by choosing they get to live,
and by living,
everyone has their choices to live with their own conditions
that serve them well with their own opinions and what they want to learn,
everyone has their choices to live in inclusion or not,
everyone gets choices to live under their own conditions
independent from your own,
everyone gets to choose because choices make our own decisions.
You may disagree, you may not like what is said,
you may not like why a person was angry,
but you don't have a right to change the person's feelings
to make them feel for what you want them to feel.
Everyone has their own feelings,
everyone has their experiences why they felt they needed to do things,
and no one has a right to cause pain or even more pain for that matter
to anyone
while causing the person suffering or worse to leave.
Everyone has the pain,
the pain of the experiences we live,
the excitement and thrills of every experience we live,
and the many many interactions of people we get to meet every day
if we choose to do so.
It takes guts to live on your own conditions,
it takes guts to reject yours and yours and yours,
and never look back to what yours and yours and yours of every thought was,
in the end,
because in the end,
the only conditions you can choose to live
is your own.
It's your own because it's the way you get to choose for yourself,
no one has rights over anyone,
in their own right mind.
It's important because it's called responsibility.
Your own right mind is the right mind of the person living it in their own body
with their own mind that the person gets to choose no matter what.
On this new year approaching,
the mind is bolder, the body is intense, and the spirit is more golden,
because everyone gets to choose,
whether anyone else likes that or not,
and everyone gets to make their own mistakes,
and everyone gets to decide at the moment what is right for them.
You and you and you, even decided things that was poor or poorer too,
and everyone still likes to tell even more so,
but it really is up to the person, the individual, the citizen living in this world,
who gets to choose what is right for them.
Don't get angry, don't get sad, just be happy for your own life,
your own conditions you choose, and stop paying attention to other conditions.
Self-determination beholds the gate to open and the door
to the extraordinaire of our genre of fate,
and our genre of the life we get to live
to the destiny we leave with at the end years and years later.
Amen.

A Poem called "Anxiety Says"

Anxiety says,

(TRIGGER Warning: what anxiety says is not what I am saying, it's justthe words we all hear anxiety say to all of us around)

by theamazinJ

Anxiety says 'Go Fuck off'
Anxiety says 'I am stupid SOB'
Anxiety says 'Shut your fucking trap'
Anxiety says 'ASSHOLE'
Anxiety says 'Go Stick it up your ASS and hang from a tree'
Anxiety says 'You're a dirty rotten piece of shit'
Anxiety says 'I am brainless'
Anxiety says even 'SHUT YOUR MOUTH and Just live'
Anxiety says all sorts of things
Anxiety says this, it even says that, and even says to 'GROW LIKE an ONION'
Anxiety is weird
Anxiety even has a name:
Anxiety is Klong, Klong is Anxiety.
Anxiety is real, but very fake in every way shape and form,
Anxiety says too much stuff that get in the way,
it can be like a person, only from our experiences that revert it back into our heads,
it makes you curse, it makes you angry, and it makes you feel like you need to explode.
Anxiety traps you,
it sedates you,
it even paralyzes you into a box in a thing from the past.

Well, Anxiety is real, and it can be really really scary,
If you get caught in the net,
you can be trapped endlessly forever,
if you don't know how to escape the nestiness of it's trap.
Anxiety says this and anxiety says that,
it even isolates individuals from the very people closest in their life
from family, friends, and so many others.
Anxiety is a trap,
a very deadly trap,
it infuriates,
it angers,
and can cause confusion of what is real and what is what is not
if you cannot get a grip on reality,
otherwise,
anxiety can be a fuel to get things going,
it can be the thing you need to burst out into the world
as a happy, well rounded, and open person to everyone and anyone,
it does not have to be negative, it can be VERY POSITIVE,
Anxiety is only an illness if you make it one yourself,
instead, anxiety can be a rainbow of beauty and a joyful adventure if you allow it
by engraving your mind in the focus on the positive
and adrenaline to produce positive events, productions, and interactions with people.

Life can be dreamy and it can be very real and happy,
of it can be a nightmare out of it's control without living any ounce of what you can do,
Anxiety is real and it is very very necessary,
and sometimes you just need to put the anxiety away
away for quite sometime until you reach your potential you've always wanted and success.
Anxiety can be a dream or it can be reality,
we need to accept it as reality no matter what which and way
cause anxiety can be a positive catalyst toward success in the reality everyone lives
or
it can be a negative spiraling trap encasing us out of reality.
Life is beautiful,
life is joyful,
Don't let things become trapped before it's too late,
and if it's too late, there is help you can get,
it can make us angry, it can make us furious, it can create fiery fumes,
but in reality, that's only if we can't see the beautiful colors, hear the wonderful sounds,
and make fabulous crowds from the productive creations we made
when we think just think positive.
Finding niche, finding the habitat, and most importantly keep it in place
in a special place where special things happen and positive vibes jammin'
toward the secrets of your success come marchin' in your happenin'

A Poem Called "Burden"

Burden,

by theamazinJ

Am I a burden?
Am I broken?
Am I a problem?
I am leading my own life.
I am a director of my own services.
I am doing whatever I can for myself.
I am trying to feel whole
even with too many see me as broken.
Many people look at me
with dismay and horror
because I seem different,
well, Hello, I am different,
I am disabled, I am Autistic,
I am the person I am,
the way I was born to be,
and most importantly
no one can interpret me
as a burden,
as broken,
as a problem that needs to be fixed.
I am very caring and loving,
I have a mind that is beautiful,
I have a heart filled with gold,
I have a soul as old as the world itself,
but a burden? A real burden cause you see me as different?
A burden because I am disabled?
As disabled as many people in this society are,
belonging to the largest minority group
that grows and grows every day,
where our society does not accept
and our society just wants to fix for their own judgements
and their own way of creating a social construct
and their own way of editing the human race
as if we are not already a person
as if we are not already living
like none of us can make the right decisions
and especially if the person is disabled
like disability means the person is automatically incompetent,
and the disability really is not a part of the culture of humanity,
the human spectrum is strong,
the human spectrum is a wide array of differences and disabilities,
yet, no one wants to say it the way it is,
everyone rather euphemistically
use words like differently abled, alternately abled, special, and
stare at people who are different
as though the person is really a burden,
is really a problem, and really needs to be fixed and
constructed with the universal domestication.
Humanity is a spectrum.
Humanity is real.
Humanity has free will.
Humanity has our own minds.
We are in the human race for a reason in order to reason, question, and analyze.
I am a director of my own services, a boss, and leading my own
because I'm equipped with the mind I was born with,
no one was born with my mind,
they were born with their own,
and from that, the experiences they lived with their own mind all along.
And, to someday, we all have the choice if we choose to find a partner
and from that we all have the choice if we choose to make our own family
and from that we decide to teach our own or other children what we know
and what we want our children to know.
Someday I hope to be a husband, a father, a uncle, and eventually a grandfather
and even more so if possible, a great grandfather
teaching wisdom and teachings to children of my own.
I am 38 years old now.
Being a husband, a father, a uncle, a grandfather, and a great grandfather
takes great responsibility and integrity and partnership and how much you want it
regardless who you partner with and why you partner with the person you want to be with.
Some people don't want that and are pleased with themselves
living by themselves,
and the love we have is to treat every person with dignity,
not as a burden, not as broken, and without the entitled feelings
that someone may feel insulted, rejected, and hurt
if their child does not do exactly what they want
and exactly how they wanted their child to be based on their own ideas.
We have 2 choices:
Live with entitled pride and ignorance and cynicism.
or Live with humility and wisdom and a open mind.
We are not a burden.
Everyone is a human being.
Everyone needs to understand each other.
Everyone is whole.
We pray. Every morning and every night.
And, we pray for parents, we pray for siblings, we pray for ourselves,
we pray to be whole,
and we pray for understanding and acceptance.
Prayer is just a statement of what we want and nothing more.

A Poem Called "A Journey toward Nirvana"

A Journey toward Nirvana,

by theamazinJ

My journey started years ago
the day I became a thought, a desire, a thing, a person,
I left a couple of years ago
particularly in the middle of the night
the way the buddha did years ago, centuries ago,
a whole thousands of years ago,
I felt the need for nirvana always in my life.
My need to see beyond,
my need for tranquility,
humility,
different perspective from the selfishness, objectifications, greed, jealousies,
feeling like a burden
I grew up to in my life.
My journey toward a selfless life I've tried to express
all my life,
led me to a journey a couple of years ago
that instead of leading to different perspectives
led to more anger, more frustration, and not enough love.
Love, humility, and tranquility come not when others help us get there,
but by us individually helping ourselves to get there.
America became something different too,
even when it first started, but more so now,
America became medicalized,
pathologizing everything eventually,
turned away from love and more to lust, shame, and pity.
It lead me to my mantra eventually thinking of the future,
the mantra that leads me to think about
why too many people forget about the past, overthink the present,
and never have the future they want or desire.
Never think you're a burden,
never ever think this ever again,
Whenever you think you're a burden,
no matter kind of person you are,
whether you are a disabled person, a person of color, a neurodivergent person,
or even a person of a non-conforming gender, or even just a person different than the typical,
just remember what you are
even in times when you feel all lonely, scared, and never sure of what to do,
even when you think your goals are shot and dead,
even when you feel isolated and everyone gave up on you,
even when relationships become broken far too often,
everyone is a person, and no one is a burden,
everyone can live and be and do whatever they want,
if you are as highly sensitive as me,
then use that sensitivity in the positive instead of becoming overwhelmed, confused, and scared.
Not always complaining, not always arguing, and not always getting your back up with attitude,
because the only thing we can do for ourselves
is use our sensitivity as highly as it can be
as magnifying as we can see to attract the good we can see,
the empathy we truly have everyday,
and the desire to be more than the world thinks about us,
in the end,
it's all about what you want, it's all about what you desire,
and everything forms it's place
and sets the tone and setting
to how we live the rest of our lives.
We can flight away and isolate ourselves or
we can fight and move forward in abundance of everything we want,
remembering the mantra of FAME we can see everyday,
the FAME that starts with Family moving to Abundance of love and people around us,
having the money we can get to earn to all the education we most thirstfully want.
Nirvana is just something we all want to live with,
but life is tricky
and sneaks up on us
of all sorts of magic we may not think can actually surprise us
vividly and presumptuously or even attract positive feelings emphatically.
The buddha experienced nirvana through meditation and extreme sacrifice,
but we all experience life extremely in the way we see life without any sacrifice,
eventually reaching whatever we want or none at all,
always be yourself,
but change your thoughts and eventually
reach and see nirvana.

A Poem Called "Nothing About US"

Nothing About Us,

by theamazinJ

Founding art,
founding poetry,
founding film,
founding paints filled with colors,
filled with everything that serves us,
speaking with our tongues,
voicing with our fingers,
hearing with the perimeters of what we can hear,
seeing what brilliance everything has in store for us,
moving our bodies whichever way we go.
Because it's nothing without us, and nothing about anyone else,
it's about life and living and striving for our own self-determination.
Nothing about us,
Nothing without us,
Nothing ever comes between us and you and anyone,
we strive to keep our dignity,
we respect everyone who tries hard to maintain respect,
keeping our mind common hope, to love, to hate,
I love you, I hate you.
Every time we live it's either love or hate every part of the day,
but most importantly,
it's about what love we can keep and what hate we can let go.
Relationships come, relationships go,
take the masterpiece to the fundamental truths of matter,
to the relations of who we are,
because in the end,
it's about us, it's about life, and it's what matters most
building life, liberty, and common practice of what we all know,
the body we live in, the mind we were given,
and the talents we build to surface the world with
and make the difference we have with what it takes
to live however we feel and want.
No one takes that away,
everyone must find it for themselves
regardless how they see,
regardless how they hear,
regardless how they feel,
and regardless how they emerge with their inspirations.
Everything goes from one thing to the next,
we speak with what we've got and how we can at the time,
and from this day forward,
forget about inspiration of who you are of who I am,
forget about tokenizing or passing for what others want,
and just remember to have the attitude
to be who you are with what you want with what you have
and remember to take everyone's opinions as a grain of salt
because that's all that is, it means nothing,
and one day when you're sitting at the door
waving goodbye to the world ready to leave,
you'll remember
Nothing about us, without us,
you'll remember you lived for you, not for other's and their opinions,
and you lived for everything you wanted
without letting any part of the your masquerade
passing in society become influenced by anyone.
Leave it at that and cross and fade and pass through the curtain as that.
and one last thing,
say 'Thank you' too.

A Poem Called "My Ellipse"

My life is in existence,
My life is soil,
My life is earth,
my life is heaven,
I strive past earth
to reach heaven,
my openly eager
home away from home.
I love you
can love with all my might,
I contribute something
I contribute my life,
I echo the earth,
I echo thou up in the heavens,
Thou I love,
thou I pride for,
Thou is my life,
Thou in my strength,
I am an old soul,
I am a wise dude,
I am a proud Autistic,
I am a proud Human being,
I love, I feel, I contribute.
This is my day,
this is my sun,
this is my water,
this is the rock
echoing my life,
Thou, Thou, I am so proud,
Thou,Thou, I am so eager,
Thou, Thou,
I am disabled and a person
from the perfect heaven above,
Thou, Thou.
I cover myself with masks,
I cover with a masquerade,
for when we enter
the heaven, we unfold
all the many masquerades we lived,
every day of our life.
Thou, Thou, am so into you,
Thou, when being up there
one day who will
be proud of me
as I shine my light
over the gazing world
I live everyday,
and past lived.

A Poem Called "From Visible to Invisible"

From Visible to Invisible,

theamazinJ

I am visible.
I am invisible.
No one really cares.
No one cares about what my ideas, thoughts, and teachings are.
Everyone around me is selfish.
Everyone only cares about what affects them for me.
And, only cares about themselves and what affects them.
They really don't care about  disability rights,
they have no opinions for the goodness of disability justice.
Everyone has their voice, and I am silenced.
Everyone has their ideas, ignoring my own.
Everyone has their talents, as I am the garbage to them.
From visible as a physical being to Invisibility from humanity.
No one cares.
No one gives a damn.
Everyone only cares for me to live under their conditions of humanity.
No one cares,
No one gives a damn,
I am visible but am invisible.
I am told I am stupid.
I am told I am pathetic.
I am told I am an idiot.
I am told I am unintelligent.
I am told I am brainless.
I am told sometimes I am r&^*%^(^d.
It is painful.
It is bloody hurtful bleeding out of my veins.
It is deeply painful and makes me want to cringe into a hole.
I just feel like the blood just drips and drips until it is dried out.
Visibility is important without others making us invisible.
I am a fighter.
I fight till my voice is heard.
I fight till my ideas are recognized.
I fight to show how intelligent I am.
My ideas are a part of me.
My art makes me feel great.
My creativeness makes feel happy and pure.
My story didn't end until my voice is heard, until it is recognized.
My story does not end until people know the hard work I do.
My story fights for disability justice.
My story fights for everyone.
My story fights to listen to people without the common eugenics ideas.
Listening to the idea to know that everyone matters.
Listening to the idea that everyone cares
and if they don't it's treason.
Listening to the idea that my life matters as much as others do.
Listening to the idea that I am no one's slave in their own mind.
Listening to the idea that being enslaved is also being enslaved in everyone's minds.
I am the person who matters.
I am the person with my own mind no matter what.
I am the person with empathy and care.
I am the person who will fight the social construction condition you only care about.
I am a person from Invisible to Visible.
I am free. I don't care what you have to say. I have a voice and it matters.

A poem Called "Bilingual"

Bilingual,

by theamazinJ

It takes effort,

It takes hard work,

living with an operating system different than yours,

living in the community,

without realizing what to do is right

and what to do is wrong.

Living with an operating system 

where I need to be bilingual 

and live in a world of a different system

of a different language

and of a different way to operate.

Everyone lives with their mind.

Everyone lives with the mind that they have.

Minds work differently.

Minds need to learn to pass physically.

Minds call their own names given by our parents.

Minds experience things differently in the physical world.

Minds learning different languages of thought, beliefs, and ideas.

Minds learning to effectively translate words and ideas.
When one person's language is different,
another is trying to translate it.
speaking means trial and errors.
voicing what we want
even with a different operating system,
even with a different language,
even with a different way of viewing the world,
because autistic or not, disabled or without known disability
only articulates humor, only articulates humility,
and only articulates the grammar of who we are.
Bilingual or not,
we are of different operating systems,
from mac to windows
or from autistic or neurodivergence to neurotypical constructions,
from human to human to human,
we are different, but we are human.
Being human means,
being able to interact with any other person,
it means being able to help others when they ask for help,
it means being deserving of things we want for who we are,
it means being interdependent,
it means respecting the people who brought us into this world,
it means falling for love without hating,
it means learning to let go of things that don't matter,
remaining the things that have always mattered,
it means knowing who really cares and who really doesn't.
Without the paining moment of suffering,
and remembering life, liberty, and the interdependence while in the community
because in many respects,
disability does not deserve anyone, but it gets everyone at any point in their life,
it can make people aphasic, it can make people seem emotionally out of control,
it can make people use a wheelchair, it can make people use a cane,
it has the comprehension to make things incomprehensible and incoherent or even irrational,
and not only that disability can make anyone feel down until they come out,
regardless of what differences the individual has or what kinds of setbacks it creates,
or how the glass is always ready for a drink until the final drop
which is just as breathtaking as the first sip.
Life journeys through adventures to grow every day
into what we want to be, and journey to the other side of wonder.
The only one to make a person happy is when they decide to open the door
of the closet instead of hiding away without even enjoying life,
we can be lingual into ourselves, or we can be bilingual with the world.

A Poem Called "Token"

A Poem Called "Token"

I am me.

I am not your token.

I am not anyone's puppet.

I am not your way to live under your conditions.

I am not passing for your social constructions.

I am myself.

I have my own mind.

I have my own talents.

I am a disabled person.

I am an activist.

I am a filmmaker.

I am a poet.

I am not you.

I am a scholar.

I am a changemaker.

I am being the thoughts that come out of my own mind.

I am my own higher mind.

I read every day many books and articles.

I have passion to change the world's current perceptions of disability.

Token, I am not satisfying you to be something I am not.

Token, I am not fitting in as something you want.

Token, is what you are, but I am not.

I pass for myself.

I pass so you need to accept.

I pass for furthering the goals of my life.

I pass to be who I am, not you, or you, or you.

I hope you can understand.

I hope you  can accept me.

I hope you understand my goals to being what I want.

My goals are not to accept what you want from me.

My goals are to be supported by you and you and you  and you.

I have my own visions.

I am rising to the top.

I am forthcoming my energy to make the best of me.

I need support you.

I have a network of people who like me, love me.

I have a network of people who understand.

My films are great.

My new film ideas are forthcoming

based on what I read and the world around me.

I have my own way of doing things.

Passing is a masquerade everyone gets to choose what they want 

and what they want the world to remember them by.

Some choose to pass for what other people want,

while others pass for what they are originally.

As an Autistic and Neurodivergent person,

I pass for me. I pass for me everyday. I pass for me all the time.

Passing is you. Passing is me. Passing has different choices.

What you want to pass for, I pass for what I want to as.

We cannot tokenize each other or anyone

to pass for the other, to pass for something you want,

or to pass for something else other than what we are.

Passing is genuine to the person.

passing is a masquerade individual to everyone.

and, passing is what everyone wants,

from passing as disabled, to passing as neurotypical, to passing as non-disabled,

passing can be misleading when everyone has their own neurodivergences,

their own psychiatric, neurological, and cognitive disabilities.

when everyone has what it takes when they are born,

when everyone grows differently,

and when everyone lives their life the way they want to.

People will understand in due time.

People will accept themselves.

People will open their minds.

People will live everyday with what they want.

Advocacy for being true to yourself,

sometimes makes people uncomfortable,

sometimes makes people angry,

and in the end, makes people think and process

that everyone can pass for their own,

as masquerade or ball showing the world 

who they are, and what they can do, and why they need support.

This is it. This is me. and This is everything in between.

Amen. Thank you. And listen to yourself.

A Poem called "Slammed"

Slammed,

You slammed me,
just for your own benefit,
you hurt me,
just so you can continue the story of your social construction,
SLAM!
I feel hurt,
SLAM!
I am bleeding,
SLAM!
I am CUT!
I am hurting, bleeding, and having trouble scarring the blood,
Whatever you say,
Whatever you do,
Whatever is said by you,
I try to say what I have to say,
I try to say what I want to say,
I try to say what I know,
I try to say what I learn everyday,
I try to dispute your social construction,
but I am SLAMMED,
I am hurt,
I am bleeding,
I cannot fathom what else to do,
I cannot continue what you want me to do
so I can live the rest of my days with you.
How dare you?
How dare you?
How dare you?
SLAM!
I am bleeding.
SLAM!
I am knocked down to the ground.
SLAM!
I am crawling on my knees
trying to find a place to heal.
SLAM, SLAM, SLAMMED!
I feel hurt.
I feel disrespected.
I feel as though I cannot live my life with you.
I feel tortured by this social construction
that seems to not be as real as you want it to be.
SLAM!
I know everyone likes me and I know how everyone feels about me,
SLAM!
I am not sure what else to do to show you this.
Urging myself to let it go,
urging myself to continue what I want to do.
Urging myself to be the selfless person I am.
Urging myself to ignore your lies.
Urging myself to just not listen to that social construction.
I know who I am.
I am very aware of what I want in my life.
I am very aware of things I need for myself.
and, most importantly,
I am very aware of the people around me who like me.
I just don't like your lies.
I just don't like what social construction conditions you want me to live in for you.
I am a good, humble, and open minded person.
I learn a lot every day.
Do I accept what you try to say?
Do I accept all of this from you?
Do I think you are not understanding me? Yes.
I hope one day you finally understand me.
I hope one day you finally get me.
I hope one day you  stop this social construction.
and, I hope one day I can live my life with you
without these types of social construction conditions.
Thank you.

A poem called "A Different Normal, A Normal different me, Different Kinds of Relationships"

 A Different Normal, A Normal different me, Different Kinds of Relationships,

by theamazinJ

Thinking of you, me,
Thinking of what ‘special needs’ that really aren’t special because they are just our needs,
thinking like you think I can do things that are very hard for me,
and thinking you think I can’t do things that are easy for me,
I have a lot of energy, but I am disabled.
I am able, yes, but I am also disabled.
Disability is part of the human experience and everyone needs to embrace their life and love everyone every day regardless
because at any point, life can be over, or we can become disabled or more disabled even…
I can become more disabled any day like you can become disabled at any time.
and you will still see and think I can do things all the time even though I am disabled.

Normal is different, normal is fake, normal is unreal,

I am disabled, and pushed to the brink of my energy, my time, and my limits,

even when my spoons are low or my lifely body portrays you to think of what you think,
You tell me to use my spoons wisely, so as not to burnout,
you tell me to work on things of what you want me to work on,
when I am who I am, even with what I can do and can't do all the time,
even with being able to do anything at any time I am able to do it,
I can't do anything everything everyday, but I can do anything at my time.
I noticed I do things when my feeling to do the thing
I want to do is when I have the spoons to do it
and decide to focus on that thing I want to perfect or just want to do or just need something to do to feel good,
Disability is a thing, it exists, and we have to accept
the things we do, things we don't do, and things we have the spoons for to do the thing we are doing,
I am different, yes, and most importantly, I am disabled and able,
I able to do things on my time, when I am ready, and when I have ambition, and when I have determination to do it,
My normal is different from you, different to you, and very potent to my life,
I can do, I do need support, but I don't need you to tell me or what you think I can and can't do,
Support is different because support is helping someone like me achieve self-determination of what I want to do, of what I need to do, when I am ready to do it,
Support is giving me the time to live on my own in my own living area with my own things and seeing you when I we have time for each other,
Support is giving me the opportunity to do what I want and what I choose for myself and supporting me while doing it,
even when I am writing something on my own, even when I am doing art, even when I am creating film, even when I am reading on my own, or even when I just need space,
Support is giving not what you think, it is not giving me love when you think you want to give it, but reading me well enough to know when I want it,
Support is giving you love when I feel you want it,
Support is not telling me rather just giving me the opportunity to talk about certain things that are hard for me to talk about,
Support is not telling me, and thinking I just don't know and am told, and support is being included in conversations about me,
Support is great when I am supported and not told, supported and loved, supported and can talk to you about things that are hard for me to make it easier,
support is when my anxiety is eased because I don't feel pressured, I don't feel told, and I am feeling in control,
I love my support regardless who you are,
I need support in certain areas just the way anyone else needs support in those areas, so just give me a chance to tell you what support I need and when I need it,
and I will listen and know when and who can support at the time,
Being told is not a good feeling, being told makes me feel out of control, being told I can't connect with everyone is limiting me, being told is being out of control,
I need your support and finally understanding,
I need your support so that I don't walk away in pain when I feel you don't understand and am low on spoonful energy, and need time to reconvene myself to you, or even when I feel hurt,
even when you don't understand why I am walking away even for a day or even sometimes longer than that,
It does not mean I don't love you, and it does not mean I don't care, it just means I need time because of the way you approach me or the way you understand things about me makes me cringe,
I need your support so that you know the love we give to each other when we all need love,
I need your support.
I know I left you at times, some longer than others, but I need your support, not your telling me, and not your ridiculing me, with easing on sarcasm, and definitely not your abrading me as if I feel like a nothing,
I am a person too even though I am disabled, even with being autistic, or even with my anxiety, or even with my sensory system, or even with my way of understanding the world,
or even with my way of feeling for you,
because I love you, I love all of you,
I love the way everyone loves me.
I am grateful for the love for me.
Support is when my life is not empty, and I have someone to go to talk with about something may be hard to handle at the moment
ultimately giving me the power to make my decision as the decision maker in my life.
I have services that give me my support workers, that give me my broker, that give me an agency too, that give me someone looking over my money I get for my services,
but that does not mean I need to be told, I just have a team of whoever wants to support me any time I need it and give me the time.
I love you, I love everyone because I am loved by all, loved by everyone.
I left you for a reason that left me needing my space away to have enough spoons to deal with you and think about ways you can better support me,
I needed this because you seemed to not understand, you seemed to think you knew everything even without listening to my thoughts, my opinions, my ideas, my creativeness,
and my learning about history and knowing how I feel and what I believe to make the world a better place,
You may not understand how I want to make a better place, you may not understand my art, but I do understand and have a sense of what I want.
While I left you because I felt like everyone left me in the dust without any support without any kind of things I owned before and needed to go back to the family who I needed space from at the time I walked away with you who tried to help me at the time
so I can get my spoonful energy back and reconvene myself to the world,
I know I hurt many people, I know I hurt by not talking that much to first the family in my life, and being silent to all a way long time,
I know I triggered everyone from either leaving without letting anyone know to triggering in many other ways,
when it comes to triggers, we can love and be loved, but there needs to be communication in every relationship especially when communication gives and creates agreements of supported decision making within those relationships I choose to have agreements with,
between me and the people I choose in my life for support and what kinds of things I need for support even as a disabled person with being autistic.
Having support from people means my anxiety is low, means I am in control of what I want regardless, and means everyone understands me, and understands what makes me tick and what doesn't.
And with that being said, even with bleeding love coming from our veins, it just pushes us closer to the support we all need in our lives.
I hope you understand,
I hope you know I love you,
I hope you know what support really is.
And, most importantly, I hope you know how much I love...

And here is a song by Leona Lewis:

<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/3rIs2S2WH7M" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe>

And Chasing Cars:

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/XaKr98ktoxU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Is it Worth the Frustration to be nOrMAL,

by theamazinJ

Normal 
             nORMAl
    NORmal
                       norMAL
        NORMAL!
I feel the frustration,
     is it normal?
   Is it supposed to be passing for norMAL?
                WHAT IS dammmit, NORMAL?
Normal is...
difficult,
NORMAL is...
frustrating,
NORmal is...
OMG!
NORMAL is...
OMG...I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
NORmal is...
Oh my goodness, OMG, Oh my GOD!
NORMAL, what can I say?
NORMAL, it is hard
It's like very few can pass for it,
yet MANY embrace it.
It's so very stimulating or in this case, 
TRigGERRing to have to pass for norMAL!~~~

NORMAL IS...
hurtful,
especially when I am not NoRMAL,
including my friends who are not NORmal either,
or even whenever I walk down a street
I see MANY struggling to be NorMAl,
NORMAL is a social construction,
it is passing for...
what America wants,
it is passing for...
being non-disabled or NON-NEURODIVERGENT,
also, when EVERYONE is born NEURODIVERGENT, 
but only PASS for NORMAL 
and embrace NORMALITY
only to 
        ACCEPT NORMALITY
      AND
 Oppress The MANY citizens out there who CANNOT,
especially when 
   you are NEUROQUEER,
  OR even when
      you are not one of the BINARY genders
 when gender is FLUID and is non-binary,
   NOT saying I am non-binary, I AM JUST OPEN-MINDED 
to everyone's gender differences and EVERYONE's iDeNTiES,
and the self-determination of being WHO WE ARE INDIVIDUALLY,
and being the person we are MEANT TO BE and ARE in this world.
                NOrMaL, what the heck is it,
when it's all about when WHITE MaLE Christians who created the damn word many years ago,
who wanted EVERYONE to conform to THEM,
and who WANTED everyone to be non-disabled, non-neurodivergent, and labelled by IQ.
AND, who also wanted EVERYONE to look, feel, and think the SAME way,
How NORMAL is that when SO many are different races, of different religions,
of different thinking types, of different emotional types,          of different FEeLIngs, 
      OF different concurrences acting at the SAME time,
   OR of different lapses of time splitting in their heads, 
and of different genders and differences in disability,
BECAUSE everyone can DO it, 
        NO one is IMMUNE to think differently,       WE are CREATIVE which is WHY normal was made,
which is why things are DiFFerent,
  but MORE importantly why WE all make MISTAKES especially with TRY(ING) to NORMALIZE America,
and in many CASES NORMALIZE the WHOLE WORLD, but        many CANNOT be NORMAL,
MANY cANNOt think NORMAL, many CANnot feel norMAL 
because NORMAL is painful especially when someone is disabled, 
especially painful when someone is NEURODIVERGENT
when being NeuroDiVERgent is not VERY embraced
and people want to accept NORMAL as the 'in' thing as the BRAINS and the one with IQ,
and neurodivergent as OUT, as the 'OTHER', and the one that is WEIRD or FREAK or INCOMPETENT or     
  STUPID or even the     re2379427d,
eVERyone is really neurOdivergent, but many seem to discount it, seem to disregard it, or even THINK SAMENESS is the 'in' thing,
when EVERYONE is really different,
everyone is really ...
      CREATIVE, emoTIONal, lEarnING all the time, brainy, INTELLIGENT, gaining WISDOM everyday, has their own WaY of doing things.
while everyone can ...
 BREAKDOwn, everyone can..
meltdown, 
everyone can...
      hit rockbottom to only rise to the TOP,
EVERYONE can...
                                            MAKE a MASTERPIECE    OR Make an invention     OR make a discovery from within themselves that CREATES connection 
and CREATES something with their MINDS even when it is just very small BECAUSE it really is VERY BIG for the world,
just like NORMAL was and just the way NORMAL was created 
ESPECIALLY when normal is destructive to a human being's personhood and just when normal can also construct certain elements of life,
because normal is paining and hurting MANY in this world 
our peers who are not of the binary genders like you or I,
our peers who are NEUROQUEER
our peers who are a(sexual) or even sexual,
OUR peers who are mixed race, or not of the same race as you or I,
OR the way me and my peers who believe in different religious or spiritual thinkings,
or how many citizens who are disabled, neurodivergent seem to experience the world differently
even when the disability and neurodivergence is autism,
or even when it is cerebral palsy, down syndrome, or many other different developmental disabilities 
because having developmental disability is NOT considered normal and is not considered intelligent and 
seems to always associate with judgement, always associates with stupidity and incompetence and not knowing what is right or what is wrong,
     Being developmentally disabled is 
           being more INTELLIGENT than peers who embrace normality can even fathom,
               its's being more FUN and comical than one can even think about,
                     AND, is being more empathic and CREATIVE at the same time than any other citizens can even feel and think,
Being developmentally disabled or even have psychiatric disability is a thing, but it does not have to mean the person has to be this normal...
             or has to abide by the rules that the leaders of normal created years ago,
    Being developmentally disabled and having psychiatric disability is part of being human,
It's a way that life sets us off, it's a way to experience the world, and it's a way of being intelligent differently,
since anyone of us can have psychiatric disability because it's part of human experiences,
and developmental disability is a thing that happens to many, but not all, as a way to know being human is IMPERFECT,
and being human is MORTAL, and being human, everyone will have different ways to express the genes of the human race,
        EVERYONE is GREAT, everyone is GOOD, and EVERYONE thinks different, and MOST importantly NORMAL was just a story or concept created but does not have to be embraced by anyone.
I am male, I am neurodivergent, I am autistiC, I am Jewish, I am spiritual, I am a artist, I am a beginning filmmaker, I am a scholar, I read many books and articles, I am a poet, 
I am a person of science, I am many identities, I always have my own mind,
and most importantly, 
I am J.