A Poem Called "Burden"

Burden,

by theamazinJ

Am I a burden?
Am I broken?
Am I a problem?
I am leading my own life.
I am a director of my own services.
I am doing whatever I can for myself.
I am trying to feel whole
even with too many see me as broken.
Many people look at me
with dismay and horror
because I seem different,
well, Hello, I am different,
I am disabled, I am Autistic,
I am the person I am,
the way I was born to be,
and most importantly
no one can interpret me
as a burden,
as broken,
as a problem that needs to be fixed.
I am very caring and loving,
I have a mind that is beautiful,
I have a heart filled with gold,
I have a soul as old as the world itself,
but a burden? A real burden cause you see me as different?
A burden because I am disabled?
As disabled as many people in this society are,
belonging to the largest minority group
that grows and grows every day,
where our society does not accept
and our society just wants to fix for their own judgements
and their own way of creating a social construct
and their own way of editing the human race
as if we are not already a person
as if we are not already living
like none of us can make the right decisions
and especially if the person is disabled
like disability means the person is automatically incompetent,
and the disability really is not a part of the culture of humanity,
the human spectrum is strong,
the human spectrum is a wide array of differences and disabilities,
yet, no one wants to say it the way it is,
everyone rather euphemistically
use words like differently abled, alternately abled, special, and
stare at people who are different
as though the person is really a burden,
is really a problem, and really needs to be fixed and
constructed with the universal domestication.
Humanity is a spectrum.
Humanity is real.
Humanity has free will.
Humanity has our own minds.
We are in the human race for a reason in order to reason, question, and analyze.
I am a director of my own services, a boss, and leading my own
because I'm equipped with the mind I was born with,
no one was born with my mind,
they were born with their own,
and from that, the experiences they lived with their own mind all along.
And, to someday, we all have the choice if we choose to find a partner
and from that we all have the choice if we choose to make our own family
and from that we decide to teach our own or other children what we know
and what we want our children to know.
Someday I hope to be a husband, a father, a uncle, and eventually a grandfather
and even more so if possible, a great grandfather
teaching wisdom and teachings to children of my own.
I am 38 years old now.
Being a husband, a father, a uncle, a grandfather, and a great grandfather
takes great responsibility and integrity and partnership and how much you want it
regardless who you partner with and why you partner with the person you want to be with.
Some people don't want that and are pleased with themselves
living by themselves,
and the love we have is to treat every person with dignity,
not as a burden, not as broken, and without the entitled feelings
that someone may feel insulted, rejected, and hurt
if their child does not do exactly what they want
and exactly how they wanted their child to be based on their own ideas.
We have 2 choices:
Live with entitled pride and ignorance and cynicism.
or Live with humility and wisdom and a open mind.
We are not a burden.
Everyone is a human being.
Everyone needs to understand each other.
Everyone is whole.
We pray. Every morning and every night.
And, we pray for parents, we pray for siblings, we pray for ourselves,
we pray to be whole,
and we pray for understanding and acceptance.
Prayer is just a statement of what we want and nothing more.

A Poem Called "A Journey toward Nirvana"

A Journey toward Nirvana,

by theamazinJ

My journey started years ago
the day I became a thought, a desire, a thing, a person,
I left a couple of years ago
particularly in the middle of the night
the way the buddha did years ago, centuries ago,
a whole thousands of years ago,
I felt the need for nirvana always in my life.
My need to see beyond,
my need for tranquility,
humility,
different perspective from the selfishness, objectifications, greed, jealousies,
feeling like a burden
I grew up to in my life.
My journey toward a selfless life I've tried to express
all my life,
led me to a journey a couple of years ago
that instead of leading to different perspectives
led to more anger, more frustration, and not enough love.
Love, humility, and tranquility come not when others help us get there,
but by us individually helping ourselves to get there.
America became something different too,
even when it first started, but more so now,
America became medicalized,
pathologizing everything eventually,
turned away from love and more to lust, shame, and pity.
It lead me to my mantra eventually thinking of the future,
the mantra that leads me to think about
why too many people forget about the past, overthink the present,
and never have the future they want or desire.
Never think you're a burden,
never ever think this ever again,
Whenever you think you're a burden,
no matter kind of person you are,
whether you are a disabled person, a person of color, a neurodivergent person,
or even a person of a non-conforming gender, or even just a person different than the typical,
just remember what you are
even in times when you feel all lonely, scared, and never sure of what to do,
even when you think your goals are shot and dead,
even when you feel isolated and everyone gave up on you,
even when relationships become broken far too often,
everyone is a person, and no one is a burden,
everyone can live and be and do whatever they want,
if you are as highly sensitive as me,
then use that sensitivity in the positive instead of becoming overwhelmed, confused, and scared.
Not always complaining, not always arguing, and not always getting your back up with attitude,
because the only thing we can do for ourselves
is use our sensitivity as highly as it can be
as magnifying as we can see to attract the good we can see,
the empathy we truly have everyday,
and the desire to be more than the world thinks about us,
in the end,
it's all about what you want, it's all about what you desire,
and everything forms it's place
and sets the tone and setting
to how we live the rest of our lives.
We can flight away and isolate ourselves or
we can fight and move forward in abundance of everything we want,
remembering the mantra of FAME we can see everyday,
the FAME that starts with Family moving to Abundance of love and people around us,
having the money we can get to earn to all the education we most thirstfully want.
Nirvana is just something we all want to live with,
but life is tricky
and sneaks up on us
of all sorts of magic we may not think can actually surprise us
vividly and presumptuously or even attract positive feelings emphatically.
The buddha experienced nirvana through meditation and extreme sacrifice,
but we all experience life extremely in the way we see life without any sacrifice,
eventually reaching whatever we want or none at all,
always be yourself,
but change your thoughts and eventually
reach and see nirvana.