Anxiety says,
(TRIGGER Warning: what anxiety says is not what I am saying, it's justthe words we all hear anxiety say to all of us around)
by theamazinJ
Anxiety says 'Go Fuck off'
Anxiety says 'I am stupid SOB'
Anxiety says 'Shut your fucking trap'
Anxiety says 'ASSHOLE'
Anxiety says 'Go Stick it up your ASS and hang from a tree'
Anxiety says 'You're a dirty rotten piece of shit'
Anxiety says 'I am brainless'
Anxiety says even 'SHUT YOUR MOUTH and Just live'
Anxiety says all sorts of things
Anxiety says this, it even says that, and even says to 'GROW LIKE an ONION'
Anxiety is weird
Anxiety even has a name:
Anxiety is Klong, Klong is Anxiety.
Anxiety is real, but very fake in every way shape and form,
Anxiety says too much stuff that get in the way,
it can be like a person, only from our experiences that revert it back into our heads,
it makes you curse, it makes you angry, and it makes you feel like you need to explode.
Anxiety traps you,
it sedates you,
it even paralyzes you into a box in a thing from the past.
Well, Anxiety is real, and it can be really really scary,
If you get caught in the net,
you can be trapped endlessly forever,
if you don't know how to escape the nestiness of it's trap.
Anxiety says this and anxiety says that,
it even isolates individuals from the very people closest in their life
from family, friends, and so many others.
Anxiety is a trap,
a very deadly trap,
it infuriates,
it angers,
and can cause confusion of what is real and what is what is not
if you cannot get a grip on reality,
otherwise,
anxiety can be a fuel to get things going,
it can be the thing you need to burst out into the world
as a happy, well rounded, and open person to everyone and anyone,
it does not have to be negative, it can be VERY POSITIVE,
Anxiety is only an illness if you make it one yourself,
instead, anxiety can be a rainbow of beauty and a joyful adventure if you allow it
by engraving your mind in the focus on the positive
and adrenaline to produce positive events, productions, and interactions with people.
Life can be dreamy and it can be very real and happy,
of it can be a nightmare out of it's control without living any ounce of what you can do,
Anxiety is real and it is very very necessary,
and sometimes you just need to put the anxiety away
away for quite sometime until you reach your potential you've always wanted and success.
Anxiety can be a dream or it can be reality,
we need to accept it as reality no matter what which and way
cause anxiety can be a positive catalyst toward success in the reality everyone lives
or
it can be a negative spiraling trap encasing us out of reality.
Life is beautiful,
life is joyful,
Don't let things become trapped before it's too late,
and if it's too late, there is help you can get,
it can make us angry, it can make us furious, it can create fiery fumes,
but in reality, that's only if we can't see the beautiful colors, hear the wonderful sounds,
and make fabulous crowds from the productive creations we made
when we think just think positive.
Finding niche, finding the habitat, and most importantly keep it in place
in a special place where special things happen and positive vibes jammin'
toward the secrets of your success come marchin' in your happenin'
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Monday, September 18, 2017
Sunday, August 27, 2017
A Poem Called "A Journey toward Nirvana"
A Journey toward Nirvana,
by theamazinJ
My journey started years ago
the day I became a thought, a desire, a thing, a person,
I left a couple of years ago
particularly in the middle of the night
the way the buddha did years ago, centuries ago,
a whole thousands of years ago,
I felt the need for nirvana always in my life.
My need to see beyond,
my need for tranquility,
humility,
different perspective from the selfishness, objectifications, greed, jealousies,
feeling like a burden
I grew up to in my life.
My journey toward a selfless life I've tried to express
all my life,
led me to a journey a couple of years ago
that instead of leading to different perspectives
led to more anger, more frustration, and not enough love.
Love, humility, and tranquility come not when others help us get there,
but by us individually helping ourselves to get there.
America became something different too,
even when it first started, but more so now,
America became medicalized,
pathologizing everything eventually,
turned away from love and more to lust, shame, and pity.
It lead me to my mantra eventually thinking of the future,
the mantra that leads me to think about
why too many people forget about the past, overthink the present,
and never have the future they want or desire.
Never think you're a burden,
never ever think this ever again,
Whenever you think you're a burden,
no matter kind of person you are,
whether you are a disabled person, a person of color, a neurodivergent person,
or even a person of a non-conforming gender, or even just a person different than the typical,
just remember what you are
even in times when you feel all lonely, scared, and never sure of what to do,
even when you think your goals are shot and dead,
even when you feel isolated and everyone gave up on you,
even when relationships become broken far too often,
everyone is a person, and no one is a burden,
everyone can live and be and do whatever they want,
if you are as highly sensitive as me,
then use that sensitivity in the positive instead of becoming overwhelmed, confused, and scared.
Not always complaining, not always arguing, and not always getting your back up with attitude,
because the only thing we can do for ourselves
is use our sensitivity as highly as it can be
as magnifying as we can see to attract the good we can see,
the empathy we truly have everyday,
and the desire to be more than the world thinks about us,
in the end,
it's all about what you want, it's all about what you desire,
and everything forms it's place
and sets the tone and setting
to how we live the rest of our lives.
We can flight away and isolate ourselves or
we can fight and move forward in abundance of everything we want,
remembering the mantra of FAME we can see everyday,
the FAME that starts with Family moving to Abundance of love and people around us,
having the money we can get to earn to all the education we most thirstfully want.
Nirvana is just something we all want to live with,
but life is tricky
and sneaks up on us
of all sorts of magic we may not think can actually surprise us
vividly and presumptuously or even attract positive feelings emphatically.
The buddha experienced nirvana through meditation and extreme sacrifice,
but we all experience life extremely in the way we see life without any sacrifice,
eventually reaching whatever we want or none at all,
always be yourself,
but change your thoughts and eventually
reach and see nirvana.
by theamazinJ
My journey started years ago
the day I became a thought, a desire, a thing, a person,
I left a couple of years ago
particularly in the middle of the night
the way the buddha did years ago, centuries ago,
a whole thousands of years ago,
I felt the need for nirvana always in my life.
My need to see beyond,
my need for tranquility,
humility,
different perspective from the selfishness, objectifications, greed, jealousies,
feeling like a burden
I grew up to in my life.
My journey toward a selfless life I've tried to express
all my life,
led me to a journey a couple of years ago
that instead of leading to different perspectives
led to more anger, more frustration, and not enough love.
Love, humility, and tranquility come not when others help us get there,
but by us individually helping ourselves to get there.
America became something different too,
even when it first started, but more so now,
America became medicalized,
pathologizing everything eventually,
turned away from love and more to lust, shame, and pity.
It lead me to my mantra eventually thinking of the future,
the mantra that leads me to think about
why too many people forget about the past, overthink the present,
and never have the future they want or desire.
Never think you're a burden,
never ever think this ever again,
Whenever you think you're a burden,
no matter kind of person you are,
whether you are a disabled person, a person of color, a neurodivergent person,
or even a person of a non-conforming gender, or even just a person different than the typical,
just remember what you are
even in times when you feel all lonely, scared, and never sure of what to do,
even when you think your goals are shot and dead,
even when you feel isolated and everyone gave up on you,
even when relationships become broken far too often,
everyone is a person, and no one is a burden,
everyone can live and be and do whatever they want,
if you are as highly sensitive as me,
then use that sensitivity in the positive instead of becoming overwhelmed, confused, and scared.
Not always complaining, not always arguing, and not always getting your back up with attitude,
because the only thing we can do for ourselves
is use our sensitivity as highly as it can be
as magnifying as we can see to attract the good we can see,
the empathy we truly have everyday,
and the desire to be more than the world thinks about us,
in the end,
it's all about what you want, it's all about what you desire,
and everything forms it's place
and sets the tone and setting
to how we live the rest of our lives.
We can flight away and isolate ourselves or
we can fight and move forward in abundance of everything we want,
remembering the mantra of FAME we can see everyday,
the FAME that starts with Family moving to Abundance of love and people around us,
having the money we can get to earn to all the education we most thirstfully want.
Nirvana is just something we all want to live with,
but life is tricky
and sneaks up on us
of all sorts of magic we may not think can actually surprise us
vividly and presumptuously or even attract positive feelings emphatically.
The buddha experienced nirvana through meditation and extreme sacrifice,
but we all experience life extremely in the way we see life without any sacrifice,
eventually reaching whatever we want or none at all,
always be yourself,
but change your thoughts and eventually
reach and see nirvana.
Sunday, May 28, 2017
A poem called "A Different Normal, A Normal different me, Different Kinds of Relationships"
A Different Normal, A Normal different me, Different Kinds of Relationships,
You tell me to use my spoons wisely, so as not to burnout,
you tell me to work on things of what you want me to work on,
when I am who I am, even with what I can do and can't do all the time,
even with being able to do anything at any time I am able to do it,
I can't do anything everything everyday, but I can do anything at my time.
I noticed I do things when my feeling to do the thing
I want to do is when I have the spoons to do it
and decide to focus on that thing I want to perfect or just want to do or just need something to do to feel good,
Disability is a thing, it exists, and we have to accept
the things we do, things we don't do, and things we have the spoons for to do the thing we are doing,
I am different, yes, and most importantly, I am disabled and able,
I able to do things on my time, when I am ready, and when I have ambition, and when I have determination to do it,
My normal is different from you, different to you, and very potent to my life,
I can do, I do need support, but I don't need you to tell me or what you think I can and can't do,
Support is different because support is helping someone like me achieve self-determination of what I want to do, of what I need to do, when I am ready to do it,
Support is giving me the time to live on my own in my own living area with my own things and seeing you when I we have time for each other,
Support is giving me the opportunity to do what I want and what I choose for myself and supporting me while doing it,
even when I am writing something on my own, even when I am doing art, even when I am creating film, even when I am reading on my own, or even when I just need space,
Support is giving not what you think, it is not giving me love when you think you want to give it, but reading me well enough to know when I want it,
Support is giving you love when I feel you want it,
Support is not telling me rather just giving me the opportunity to talk about certain things that are hard for me to talk about,
Support is not telling me, and thinking I just don't know and am told, and support is being included in conversations about me,
Support is great when I am supported and not told, supported and loved, supported and can talk to you about things that are hard for me to make it easier,
support is when my anxiety is eased because I don't feel pressured, I don't feel told, and I am feeling in control,
I love my support regardless who you are,
I need support in certain areas just the way anyone else needs support in those areas, so just give me a chance to tell you what support I need and when I need it,
and I will listen and know when and who can support at the time,
Being told is not a good feeling, being told makes me feel out of control, being told I can't connect with everyone is limiting me, being told is being out of control,
I need your support and finally understanding,
I need your support so that I don't walk away in pain when I feel you don't understand and am low on spoonful energy, and need time to reconvene myself to you, or even when I feel hurt,
even when you don't understand why I am walking away even for a day or even sometimes longer than that,
It does not mean I don't love you, and it does not mean I don't care, it just means I need time because of the way you approach me or the way you understand things about me makes me cringe,
I need your support so that you know the love we give to each other when we all need love,
I need your support.
I know I left you at times, some longer than others, but I need your support, not your telling me, and not your ridiculing me, with easing on sarcasm, and definitely not your abrading me as if I feel like a nothing,
I am a person too even though I am disabled, even with being autistic, or even with my anxiety, or even with my sensory system, or even with my way of understanding the world,
or even with my way of feeling for you,
because I love you, I love all of you,
I love the way everyone loves me.
I am grateful for the love for me.
Support is when my life is not empty, and I have someone to go to talk with about something may be hard to handle at the moment
ultimately giving me the power to make my decision as the decision maker in my life.
I have services that give me my support workers, that give me my broker, that give me an agency too, that give me someone looking over my money I get for my services,
but that does not mean I need to be told, I just have a team of whoever wants to support me any time I need it and give me the time.
I love you, I love everyone because I am loved by all, loved by everyone.
I left you for a reason that left me needing my space away to have enough spoons to deal with you and think about ways you can better support me,
I needed this because you seemed to not understand, you seemed to think you knew everything even without listening to my thoughts, my opinions, my ideas, my creativeness,
and my learning about history and knowing how I feel and what I believe to make the world a better place,
You may not understand how I want to make a better place, you may not understand my art, but I do understand and have a sense of what I want.
While I left you because I felt like everyone left me in the dust without any support without any kind of things I owned before and needed to go back to the family who I needed space from at the time I walked away with you who tried to help me at the time
so I can get my spoonful energy back and reconvene myself to the world,
I know I hurt many people, I know I hurt by not talking that much to first the family in my life, and being silent to all a way long time,
I know I triggered everyone from either leaving without letting anyone know to triggering in many other ways,
when it comes to triggers, we can love and be loved, but there needs to be communication in every relationship especially when communication gives and creates agreements of supported decision making within those relationships I choose to have agreements with,
between me and the people I choose in my life for support and what kinds of things I need for support even as a disabled person with being autistic.
Having support from people means my anxiety is low, means I am in control of what I want regardless, and means everyone understands me, and understands what makes me tick and what doesn't.
And with that being said, even with bleeding love coming from our veins, it just pushes us closer to the support we all need in our lives.
I hope you understand,
I hope you know I love you,
I hope you know what support really is.
And, most importantly, I hope you know how much I love...
And here is a song by Leona Lewis:
<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/3rIs2S2WH7M" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe>
And Chasing Cars:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/XaKr98ktoxU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
by theamazinJ
Thinking of you, me,
Thinking of what ‘special needs’ that really aren’t special because they are just our needs,
thinking like you think I can do things that are very hard for me,
and thinking you think I can’t do things that are easy for me,
I have a lot of energy, but I am disabled.
I am able, yes, but I am also disabled.
Disability is part of the human experience and everyone needs to embrace their life and love everyone every day regardless
because at any point, life can be over, or we can become disabled or more disabled even…
I can become more disabled any day like you can become disabled at any time.
and you will still see and think I can do things all the time even though I am disabled.
Thinking of what ‘special needs’ that really aren’t special because they are just our needs,
thinking like you think I can do things that are very hard for me,
and thinking you think I can’t do things that are easy for me,
I have a lot of energy, but I am disabled.
I am able, yes, but I am also disabled.
Disability is part of the human experience and everyone needs to embrace their life and love everyone every day regardless
because at any point, life can be over, or we can become disabled or more disabled even…
I can become more disabled any day like you can become disabled at any time.
and you will still see and think I can do things all the time even though I am disabled.
Normal is different, normal is fake, normal is unreal,
I am disabled, and pushed to the brink of my energy, my time, and my limits,
even when my spoons are low or my lifely body portrays you to think of what you think,You tell me to use my spoons wisely, so as not to burnout,
you tell me to work on things of what you want me to work on,
when I am who I am, even with what I can do and can't do all the time,
even with being able to do anything at any time I am able to do it,
I can't do anything everything everyday, but I can do anything at my time.
I noticed I do things when my feeling to do the thing
I want to do is when I have the spoons to do it
and decide to focus on that thing I want to perfect or just want to do or just need something to do to feel good,
Disability is a thing, it exists, and we have to accept
the things we do, things we don't do, and things we have the spoons for to do the thing we are doing,
I am different, yes, and most importantly, I am disabled and able,
I able to do things on my time, when I am ready, and when I have ambition, and when I have determination to do it,
My normal is different from you, different to you, and very potent to my life,
I can do, I do need support, but I don't need you to tell me or what you think I can and can't do,
Support is different because support is helping someone like me achieve self-determination of what I want to do, of what I need to do, when I am ready to do it,
Support is giving me the time to live on my own in my own living area with my own things and seeing you when I we have time for each other,
Support is giving me the opportunity to do what I want and what I choose for myself and supporting me while doing it,
even when I am writing something on my own, even when I am doing art, even when I am creating film, even when I am reading on my own, or even when I just need space,
Support is giving not what you think, it is not giving me love when you think you want to give it, but reading me well enough to know when I want it,
Support is giving you love when I feel you want it,
Support is not telling me rather just giving me the opportunity to talk about certain things that are hard for me to talk about,
Support is not telling me, and thinking I just don't know and am told, and support is being included in conversations about me,
Support is great when I am supported and not told, supported and loved, supported and can talk to you about things that are hard for me to make it easier,
support is when my anxiety is eased because I don't feel pressured, I don't feel told, and I am feeling in control,
I love my support regardless who you are,
I need support in certain areas just the way anyone else needs support in those areas, so just give me a chance to tell you what support I need and when I need it,
and I will listen and know when and who can support at the time,
Being told is not a good feeling, being told makes me feel out of control, being told I can't connect with everyone is limiting me, being told is being out of control,
I need your support and finally understanding,
I need your support so that I don't walk away in pain when I feel you don't understand and am low on spoonful energy, and need time to reconvene myself to you, or even when I feel hurt,
even when you don't understand why I am walking away even for a day or even sometimes longer than that,
It does not mean I don't love you, and it does not mean I don't care, it just means I need time because of the way you approach me or the way you understand things about me makes me cringe,
I need your support so that you know the love we give to each other when we all need love,
I need your support.
I know I left you at times, some longer than others, but I need your support, not your telling me, and not your ridiculing me, with easing on sarcasm, and definitely not your abrading me as if I feel like a nothing,
I am a person too even though I am disabled, even with being autistic, or even with my anxiety, or even with my sensory system, or even with my way of understanding the world,
or even with my way of feeling for you,
because I love you, I love all of you,
I love the way everyone loves me.
I am grateful for the love for me.
Support is when my life is not empty, and I have someone to go to talk with about something may be hard to handle at the moment
ultimately giving me the power to make my decision as the decision maker in my life.
I have services that give me my support workers, that give me my broker, that give me an agency too, that give me someone looking over my money I get for my services,
but that does not mean I need to be told, I just have a team of whoever wants to support me any time I need it and give me the time.
I love you, I love everyone because I am loved by all, loved by everyone.
I left you for a reason that left me needing my space away to have enough spoons to deal with you and think about ways you can better support me,
I needed this because you seemed to not understand, you seemed to think you knew everything even without listening to my thoughts, my opinions, my ideas, my creativeness,
and my learning about history and knowing how I feel and what I believe to make the world a better place,
You may not understand how I want to make a better place, you may not understand my art, but I do understand and have a sense of what I want.
While I left you because I felt like everyone left me in the dust without any support without any kind of things I owned before and needed to go back to the family who I needed space from at the time I walked away with you who tried to help me at the time
so I can get my spoonful energy back and reconvene myself to the world,
I know I hurt many people, I know I hurt by not talking that much to first the family in my life, and being silent to all a way long time,
I know I triggered everyone from either leaving without letting anyone know to triggering in many other ways,
when it comes to triggers, we can love and be loved, but there needs to be communication in every relationship especially when communication gives and creates agreements of supported decision making within those relationships I choose to have agreements with,
between me and the people I choose in my life for support and what kinds of things I need for support even as a disabled person with being autistic.
Having support from people means my anxiety is low, means I am in control of what I want regardless, and means everyone understands me, and understands what makes me tick and what doesn't.
And with that being said, even with bleeding love coming from our veins, it just pushes us closer to the support we all need in our lives.
I hope you understand,
I hope you know I love you,
I hope you know what support really is.
And, most importantly, I hope you know how much I love...
And here is a song by Leona Lewis:
<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/3rIs2S2WH7M" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe>
And Chasing Cars:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/XaKr98ktoxU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
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