A poem called “Anxiety Sucks”

Anxiety Sucks,

By theamazinj

What a crock,
You fucking jerk,
You slimey ass,
How dare you,
How dare you,
Yeah, i am talking to you ass,
Yeah you in my head
Who needs to shut up now
And let me just be who i am
In this amazing world.
That's right, you, you foul loathing evil little shit,
Anxiety sucks and this is what I’d like to shout it at it like,
Cause anxiety sucks or better yet the name
I hate anxiety for called Klong.
Anxiety sucks and i can do better,
As long as i don’t listen to it,
As long as I don’t adhere to its bullshit,
Anxiety is beezwax,
Anxiety tries to put not only me down
But everyone else between it
and around it.
I like you,
i like myself,
Yet when Anxiety gets in the way
It becomes a panic,
It becomes hysteria,
Mania,
It makes people mad,
Madness destroys
Madness can be negative with anxiety,
Madness can kill with anxiety,
Yet, it can be maintained,
Anxiety can be compounded to balance
Balancing my head, my body, and
My embodiment to identify who i am
without the rage anxiety causes,
but mixing anxiety with being Autistic,
and better yet mixed with other
psychiatric disability
and the thing you get is a
whole hot mess.
Anxiety, autism, and so many others
are there for reasons many cannot explain
many cannot accept, and
many cannot even understand,
so many in a society focus on
things like cure, things like segregation,
things like separation, things like dehumanization
even with so many doing the things
to silence voices, censor words and sentences and books,
yet we live in a world where
all these things we call disability are
not very well accepted,
are not very well understood,
and are not very well remarkably coined
as what as being a person
even though it is very much a part of the
human experience, the experiences everyone will go through
from time to time or every day of their life.
anxiety wants to please and if we cannot please,
then we are doing something wrong and anxiety says
everyone hates us, anxiety says everyone thinks we cannot do it,
and anxiety says everyone thinks I am loser,
however, it's important to ignore everything of these words,
sentences, and say we build confidence that
we can do it with whatever we can, with whatever we have,
with whatever ideas we want to pursue with whatever we
can do it with,
because anxiety is there and can be maintained,
to help us to push us toward actually doing it
and being ourselves with pushing ourselves
as anxiety supposed to do without getting caught up
with anxiety too much or too little
when when we just sit and moll becoming depressed
and asinine,
no one knows until they actually do.

A Poem Called "What is ABLE, is UNABLE"

What is ABLE, is UNABLE,

by theamazinJ

ABLE, UNABLE,
DISABLED, you are,
Able you are,
but disabled you are too.
I threw my button through the floor
and found a coin appear in the door.
I am ABLE, but I am DISABLED.
I speak with you with caution,
I speak with my screen I use
with me every day,
I speak with the desktop monitor
to see you, hear you, and understand you.
I use words on Twitter or social media
to learn the concepts you may not get
and listen to what everyone says,
I use Twitter to speak softly, lightly, with brevity.
I use my life to learn every day.
I speak with my voice when I am spoken to,
and I listen with keenness of everything.
I make films and paintings
to express myself even further.
I love nature all of my life,
I love animals more than people,
but I do like people more than anyone can assume.
Able is unable is possible is impossibly amazing,
what is able is also possible is also disabled,
the way we live is the way we give,
the way we give is how much we receive,
and the way we learn is how much we read,
how much we speak even with what we have to use,
everything is good, some things are bad,
but nothing is evil without the purest of bad.
Good is good, life is life,
pulsing through the waves of generations
going pulse pulse pulse,
grabbing the livelihood of your fortune,
and forgetting the depths of your creation.
life is life, able is unable,
when we are all disabled to understand death,
to understand life to the fullest,
and experience the depths of our creations
to understand life of all,
because we are all nature even when
we emerge from our sleep
to wake up to a beautiful day of our own creation.
Life is life, able is unable, and you are disabled.
Disabled feelings in life experiencing our lives
while ability of life grows in the distance,
don't take life for granted.

A poem called "A Different Normal, A Normal different me, Different Kinds of Relationships"

 A Different Normal, A Normal different me, Different Kinds of Relationships,

by theamazinJ

Thinking of you, me,
Thinking of what ‘special needs’ that really aren’t special because they are just our needs,
thinking like you think I can do things that are very hard for me,
and thinking you think I can’t do things that are easy for me,
I have a lot of energy, but I am disabled.
I am able, yes, but I am also disabled.
Disability is part of the human experience and everyone needs to embrace their life and love everyone every day regardless
because at any point, life can be over, or we can become disabled or more disabled even…
I can become more disabled any day like you can become disabled at any time.
and you will still see and think I can do things all the time even though I am disabled.

Normal is different, normal is fake, normal is unreal,

I am disabled, and pushed to the brink of my energy, my time, and my limits,

even when my spoons are low or my lifely body portrays you to think of what you think,
You tell me to use my spoons wisely, so as not to burnout,
you tell me to work on things of what you want me to work on,
when I am who I am, even with what I can do and can't do all the time,
even with being able to do anything at any time I am able to do it,
I can't do anything everything everyday, but I can do anything at my time.
I noticed I do things when my feeling to do the thing
I want to do is when I have the spoons to do it
and decide to focus on that thing I want to perfect or just want to do or just need something to do to feel good,
Disability is a thing, it exists, and we have to accept
the things we do, things we don't do, and things we have the spoons for to do the thing we are doing,
I am different, yes, and most importantly, I am disabled and able,
I able to do things on my time, when I am ready, and when I have ambition, and when I have determination to do it,
My normal is different from you, different to you, and very potent to my life,
I can do, I do need support, but I don't need you to tell me or what you think I can and can't do,
Support is different because support is helping someone like me achieve self-determination of what I want to do, of what I need to do, when I am ready to do it,
Support is giving me the time to live on my own in my own living area with my own things and seeing you when I we have time for each other,
Support is giving me the opportunity to do what I want and what I choose for myself and supporting me while doing it,
even when I am writing something on my own, even when I am doing art, even when I am creating film, even when I am reading on my own, or even when I just need space,
Support is giving not what you think, it is not giving me love when you think you want to give it, but reading me well enough to know when I want it,
Support is giving you love when I feel you want it,
Support is not telling me rather just giving me the opportunity to talk about certain things that are hard for me to talk about,
Support is not telling me, and thinking I just don't know and am told, and support is being included in conversations about me,
Support is great when I am supported and not told, supported and loved, supported and can talk to you about things that are hard for me to make it easier,
support is when my anxiety is eased because I don't feel pressured, I don't feel told, and I am feeling in control,
I love my support regardless who you are,
I need support in certain areas just the way anyone else needs support in those areas, so just give me a chance to tell you what support I need and when I need it,
and I will listen and know when and who can support at the time,
Being told is not a good feeling, being told makes me feel out of control, being told I can't connect with everyone is limiting me, being told is being out of control,
I need your support and finally understanding,
I need your support so that I don't walk away in pain when I feel you don't understand and am low on spoonful energy, and need time to reconvene myself to you, or even when I feel hurt,
even when you don't understand why I am walking away even for a day or even sometimes longer than that,
It does not mean I don't love you, and it does not mean I don't care, it just means I need time because of the way you approach me or the way you understand things about me makes me cringe,
I need your support so that you know the love we give to each other when we all need love,
I need your support.
I know I left you at times, some longer than others, but I need your support, not your telling me, and not your ridiculing me, with easing on sarcasm, and definitely not your abrading me as if I feel like a nothing,
I am a person too even though I am disabled, even with being autistic, or even with my anxiety, or even with my sensory system, or even with my way of understanding the world,
or even with my way of feeling for you,
because I love you, I love all of you,
I love the way everyone loves me.
I am grateful for the love for me.
Support is when my life is not empty, and I have someone to go to talk with about something may be hard to handle at the moment
ultimately giving me the power to make my decision as the decision maker in my life.
I have services that give me my support workers, that give me my broker, that give me an agency too, that give me someone looking over my money I get for my services,
but that does not mean I need to be told, I just have a team of whoever wants to support me any time I need it and give me the time.
I love you, I love everyone because I am loved by all, loved by everyone.
I left you for a reason that left me needing my space away to have enough spoons to deal with you and think about ways you can better support me,
I needed this because you seemed to not understand, you seemed to think you knew everything even without listening to my thoughts, my opinions, my ideas, my creativeness,
and my learning about history and knowing how I feel and what I believe to make the world a better place,
You may not understand how I want to make a better place, you may not understand my art, but I do understand and have a sense of what I want.
While I left you because I felt like everyone left me in the dust without any support without any kind of things I owned before and needed to go back to the family who I needed space from at the time I walked away with you who tried to help me at the time
so I can get my spoonful energy back and reconvene myself to the world,
I know I hurt many people, I know I hurt by not talking that much to first the family in my life, and being silent to all a way long time,
I know I triggered everyone from either leaving without letting anyone know to triggering in many other ways,
when it comes to triggers, we can love and be loved, but there needs to be communication in every relationship especially when communication gives and creates agreements of supported decision making within those relationships I choose to have agreements with,
between me and the people I choose in my life for support and what kinds of things I need for support even as a disabled person with being autistic.
Having support from people means my anxiety is low, means I am in control of what I want regardless, and means everyone understands me, and understands what makes me tick and what doesn't.
And with that being said, even with bleeding love coming from our veins, it just pushes us closer to the support we all need in our lives.
I hope you understand,
I hope you know I love you,
I hope you know what support really is.
And, most importantly, I hope you know how much I love...

And here is a song by Leona Lewis:

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And Chasing Cars:

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