A Poem Called "Burden"

Burden,

by theamazinJ

Am I a burden?
Am I broken?
Am I a problem?
I am leading my own life.
I am a director of my own services.
I am doing whatever I can for myself.
I am trying to feel whole
even with too many see me as broken.
Many people look at me
with dismay and horror
because I seem different,
well, Hello, I am different,
I am disabled, I am Autistic,
I am the person I am,
the way I was born to be,
and most importantly
no one can interpret me
as a burden,
as broken,
as a problem that needs to be fixed.
I am very caring and loving,
I have a mind that is beautiful,
I have a heart filled with gold,
I have a soul as old as the world itself,
but a burden? A real burden cause you see me as different?
A burden because I am disabled?
As disabled as many people in this society are,
belonging to the largest minority group
that grows and grows every day,
where our society does not accept
and our society just wants to fix for their own judgements
and their own way of creating a social construct
and their own way of editing the human race
as if we are not already a person
as if we are not already living
like none of us can make the right decisions
and especially if the person is disabled
like disability means the person is automatically incompetent,
and the disability really is not a part of the culture of humanity,
the human spectrum is strong,
the human spectrum is a wide array of differences and disabilities,
yet, no one wants to say it the way it is,
everyone rather euphemistically
use words like differently abled, alternately abled, special, and
stare at people who are different
as though the person is really a burden,
is really a problem, and really needs to be fixed and
constructed with the universal domestication.
Humanity is a spectrum.
Humanity is real.
Humanity has free will.
Humanity has our own minds.
We are in the human race for a reason in order to reason, question, and analyze.
I am a director of my own services, a boss, and leading my own
because I'm equipped with the mind I was born with,
no one was born with my mind,
they were born with their own,
and from that, the experiences they lived with their own mind all along.
And, to someday, we all have the choice if we choose to find a partner
and from that we all have the choice if we choose to make our own family
and from that we decide to teach our own or other children what we know
and what we want our children to know.
Someday I hope to be a husband, a father, a uncle, and eventually a grandfather
and even more so if possible, a great grandfather
teaching wisdom and teachings to children of my own.
I am 38 years old now.
Being a husband, a father, a uncle, a grandfather, and a great grandfather
takes great responsibility and integrity and partnership and how much you want it
regardless who you partner with and why you partner with the person you want to be with.
Some people don't want that and are pleased with themselves
living by themselves,
and the love we have is to treat every person with dignity,
not as a burden, not as broken, and without the entitled feelings
that someone may feel insulted, rejected, and hurt
if their child does not do exactly what they want
and exactly how they wanted their child to be based on their own ideas.
We have 2 choices:
Live with entitled pride and ignorance and cynicism.
or Live with humility and wisdom and a open mind.
We are not a burden.
Everyone is a human being.
Everyone needs to understand each other.
Everyone is whole.
We pray. Every morning and every night.
And, we pray for parents, we pray for siblings, we pray for ourselves,
we pray to be whole,
and we pray for understanding and acceptance.
Prayer is just a statement of what we want and nothing more.

A Poem Called "A Journey toward Nirvana"

A Journey toward Nirvana,

by theamazinJ

My journey started years ago
the day I became a thought, a desire, a thing, a person,
I left a couple of years ago
particularly in the middle of the night
the way the buddha did years ago, centuries ago,
a whole thousands of years ago,
I felt the need for nirvana always in my life.
My need to see beyond,
my need for tranquility,
humility,
different perspective from the selfishness, objectifications, greed, jealousies,
feeling like a burden
I grew up to in my life.
My journey toward a selfless life I've tried to express
all my life,
led me to a journey a couple of years ago
that instead of leading to different perspectives
led to more anger, more frustration, and not enough love.
Love, humility, and tranquility come not when others help us get there,
but by us individually helping ourselves to get there.
America became something different too,
even when it first started, but more so now,
America became medicalized,
pathologizing everything eventually,
turned away from love and more to lust, shame, and pity.
It lead me to my mantra eventually thinking of the future,
the mantra that leads me to think about
why too many people forget about the past, overthink the present,
and never have the future they want or desire.
Never think you're a burden,
never ever think this ever again,
Whenever you think you're a burden,
no matter kind of person you are,
whether you are a disabled person, a person of color, a neurodivergent person,
or even a person of a non-conforming gender, or even just a person different than the typical,
just remember what you are
even in times when you feel all lonely, scared, and never sure of what to do,
even when you think your goals are shot and dead,
even when you feel isolated and everyone gave up on you,
even when relationships become broken far too often,
everyone is a person, and no one is a burden,
everyone can live and be and do whatever they want,
if you are as highly sensitive as me,
then use that sensitivity in the positive instead of becoming overwhelmed, confused, and scared.
Not always complaining, not always arguing, and not always getting your back up with attitude,
because the only thing we can do for ourselves
is use our sensitivity as highly as it can be
as magnifying as we can see to attract the good we can see,
the empathy we truly have everyday,
and the desire to be more than the world thinks about us,
in the end,
it's all about what you want, it's all about what you desire,
and everything forms it's place
and sets the tone and setting
to how we live the rest of our lives.
We can flight away and isolate ourselves or
we can fight and move forward in abundance of everything we want,
remembering the mantra of FAME we can see everyday,
the FAME that starts with Family moving to Abundance of love and people around us,
having the money we can get to earn to all the education we most thirstfully want.
Nirvana is just something we all want to live with,
but life is tricky
and sneaks up on us
of all sorts of magic we may not think can actually surprise us
vividly and presumptuously or even attract positive feelings emphatically.
The buddha experienced nirvana through meditation and extreme sacrifice,
but we all experience life extremely in the way we see life without any sacrifice,
eventually reaching whatever we want or none at all,
always be yourself,
but change your thoughts and eventually
reach and see nirvana.

A Poem Called "Nothing About US"

Nothing About Us,

by theamazinJ

Founding art,
founding poetry,
founding film,
founding paints filled with colors,
filled with everything that serves us,
speaking with our tongues,
voicing with our fingers,
hearing with the perimeters of what we can hear,
seeing what brilliance everything has in store for us,
moving our bodies whichever way we go.
Because it's nothing without us, and nothing about anyone else,
it's about life and living and striving for our own self-determination.
Nothing about us,
Nothing without us,
Nothing ever comes between us and you and anyone,
we strive to keep our dignity,
we respect everyone who tries hard to maintain respect,
keeping our mind common hope, to love, to hate,
I love you, I hate you.
Every time we live it's either love or hate every part of the day,
but most importantly,
it's about what love we can keep and what hate we can let go.
Relationships come, relationships go,
take the masterpiece to the fundamental truths of matter,
to the relations of who we are,
because in the end,
it's about us, it's about life, and it's what matters most
building life, liberty, and common practice of what we all know,
the body we live in, the mind we were given,
and the talents we build to surface the world with
and make the difference we have with what it takes
to live however we feel and want.
No one takes that away,
everyone must find it for themselves
regardless how they see,
regardless how they hear,
regardless how they feel,
and regardless how they emerge with their inspirations.
Everything goes from one thing to the next,
we speak with what we've got and how we can at the time,
and from this day forward,
forget about inspiration of who you are of who I am,
forget about tokenizing or passing for what others want,
and just remember to have the attitude
to be who you are with what you want with what you have
and remember to take everyone's opinions as a grain of salt
because that's all that is, it means nothing,
and one day when you're sitting at the door
waving goodbye to the world ready to leave,
you'll remember
Nothing about us, without us,
you'll remember you lived for you, not for other's and their opinions,
and you lived for everything you wanted
without letting any part of the your masquerade
passing in society become influenced by anyone.
Leave it at that and cross and fade and pass through the curtain as that.
and one last thing,
say 'Thank you' too.

A Poem Called "My Ellipse"

My life is in existence,
My life is soil,
My life is earth,
my life is heaven,
I strive past earth
to reach heaven,
my openly eager
home away from home.
I love you
can love with all my might,
I contribute something
I contribute my life,
I echo the earth,
I echo thou up in the heavens,
Thou I love,
thou I pride for,
Thou is my life,
Thou in my strength,
I am an old soul,
I am a wise dude,
I am a proud Autistic,
I am a proud Human being,
I love, I feel, I contribute.
This is my day,
this is my sun,
this is my water,
this is the rock
echoing my life,
Thou, Thou, I am so proud,
Thou,Thou, I am so eager,
Thou, Thou,
I am disabled and a person
from the perfect heaven above,
Thou, Thou.
I cover myself with masks,
I cover with a masquerade,
for when we enter
the heaven, we unfold
all the many masquerades we lived,
every day of our life.
Thou, Thou, am so into you,
Thou, when being up there
one day who will
be proud of me
as I shine my light
over the gazing world
I live everyday,
and past lived.

A Poem Called "From Visible to Invisible"

From Visible to Invisible,

theamazinJ

I am visible.
I am invisible.
No one really cares.
No one cares about what my ideas, thoughts, and teachings are.
Everyone around me is selfish.
Everyone only cares about what affects them for me.
And, only cares about themselves and what affects them.
They really don't care about  disability rights,
they have no opinions for the goodness of disability justice.
Everyone has their voice, and I am silenced.
Everyone has their ideas, ignoring my own.
Everyone has their talents, as I am the garbage to them.
From visible as a physical being to Invisibility from humanity.
No one cares.
No one gives a damn.
Everyone only cares for me to live under their conditions of humanity.
No one cares,
No one gives a damn,
I am visible but am invisible.
I am told I am stupid.
I am told I am pathetic.
I am told I am an idiot.
I am told I am unintelligent.
I am told I am brainless.
I am told sometimes I am r&^*%^(^d.
It is painful.
It is bloody hurtful bleeding out of my veins.
It is deeply painful and makes me want to cringe into a hole.
I just feel like the blood just drips and drips until it is dried out.
Visibility is important without others making us invisible.
I am a fighter.
I fight till my voice is heard.
I fight till my ideas are recognized.
I fight to show how intelligent I am.
My ideas are a part of me.
My art makes me feel great.
My creativeness makes feel happy and pure.
My story didn't end until my voice is heard, until it is recognized.
My story does not end until people know the hard work I do.
My story fights for disability justice.
My story fights for everyone.
My story fights to listen to people without the common eugenics ideas.
Listening to the idea to know that everyone matters.
Listening to the idea that everyone cares
and if they don't it's treason.
Listening to the idea that my life matters as much as others do.
Listening to the idea that I am no one's slave in their own mind.
Listening to the idea that being enslaved is also being enslaved in everyone's minds.
I am the person who matters.
I am the person with my own mind no matter what.
I am the person with empathy and care.
I am the person who will fight the social construction condition you only care about.
I am a person from Invisible to Visible.
I am free. I don't care what you have to say. I have a voice and it matters.

A poem Called "Bilingual"

Bilingual,

by theamazinJ

It takes effort,

It takes hard work,

living with an operating system different than yours,

living in the community,

without realizing what to do is right

and what to do is wrong.

Living with an operating system 

where I need to be bilingual 

and live in a world of a different system

of a different language

and of a different way to operate.

Everyone lives with their mind.

Everyone lives with the mind that they have.

Minds work differently.

Minds need to learn to pass physically.

Minds call their own names given by our parents.

Minds experience things differently in the physical world.

Minds learning different languages of thought, beliefs, and ideas.

Minds learning to effectively translate words and ideas.
When one person's language is different,
another is trying to translate it.
speaking means trial and errors.
voicing what we want
even with a different operating system,
even with a different language,
even with a different way of viewing the world,
because autistic or not, disabled or without known disability
only articulates humor, only articulates humility,
and only articulates the grammar of who we are.
Bilingual or not,
we are of different operating systems,
from mac to windows
or from autistic or neurodivergence to neurotypical constructions,
from human to human to human,
we are different, but we are human.
Being human means,
being able to interact with any other person,
it means being able to help others when they ask for help,
it means being deserving of things we want for who we are,
it means being interdependent,
it means respecting the people who brought us into this world,
it means falling for love without hating,
it means learning to let go of things that don't matter,
remaining the things that have always mattered,
it means knowing who really cares and who really doesn't.
Without the paining moment of suffering,
and remembering life, liberty, and the interdependence while in the community
because in many respects,
disability does not deserve anyone, but it gets everyone at any point in their life,
it can make people aphasic, it can make people seem emotionally out of control,
it can make people use a wheelchair, it can make people use a cane,
it has the comprehension to make things incomprehensible and incoherent or even irrational,
and not only that disability can make anyone feel down until they come out,
regardless of what differences the individual has or what kinds of setbacks it creates,
or how the glass is always ready for a drink until the final drop
which is just as breathtaking as the first sip.
Life journeys through adventures to grow every day
into what we want to be, and journey to the other side of wonder.
The only one to make a person happy is when they decide to open the door
of the closet instead of hiding away without even enjoying life,
we can be lingual into ourselves, or we can be bilingual with the world.

A Poem Called "Token"

A Poem Called "Token"

I am me.

I am not your token.

I am not anyone's puppet.

I am not your way to live under your conditions.

I am not passing for your social constructions.

I am myself.

I have my own mind.

I have my own talents.

I am a disabled person.

I am an activist.

I am a filmmaker.

I am a poet.

I am not you.

I am a scholar.

I am a changemaker.

I am being the thoughts that come out of my own mind.

I am my own higher mind.

I read every day many books and articles.

I have passion to change the world's current perceptions of disability.

Token, I am not satisfying you to be something I am not.

Token, I am not fitting in as something you want.

Token, is what you are, but I am not.

I pass for myself.

I pass so you need to accept.

I pass for furthering the goals of my life.

I pass to be who I am, not you, or you, or you.

I hope you can understand.

I hope you  can accept me.

I hope you understand my goals to being what I want.

My goals are not to accept what you want from me.

My goals are to be supported by you and you and you  and you.

I have my own visions.

I am rising to the top.

I am forthcoming my energy to make the best of me.

I need support you.

I have a network of people who like me, love me.

I have a network of people who understand.

My films are great.

My new film ideas are forthcoming

based on what I read and the world around me.

I have my own way of doing things.

Passing is a masquerade everyone gets to choose what they want 

and what they want the world to remember them by.

Some choose to pass for what other people want,

while others pass for what they are originally.

As an Autistic and Neurodivergent person,

I pass for me. I pass for me everyday. I pass for me all the time.

Passing is you. Passing is me. Passing has different choices.

What you want to pass for, I pass for what I want to as.

We cannot tokenize each other or anyone

to pass for the other, to pass for something you want,

or to pass for something else other than what we are.

Passing is genuine to the person.

passing is a masquerade individual to everyone.

and, passing is what everyone wants,

from passing as disabled, to passing as neurotypical, to passing as non-disabled,

passing can be misleading when everyone has their own neurodivergences,

their own psychiatric, neurological, and cognitive disabilities.

when everyone has what it takes when they are born,

when everyone grows differently,

and when everyone lives their life the way they want to.

People will understand in due time.

People will accept themselves.

People will open their minds.

People will live everyday with what they want.

Advocacy for being true to yourself,

sometimes makes people uncomfortable,

sometimes makes people angry,

and in the end, makes people think and process

that everyone can pass for their own,

as masquerade or ball showing the world 

who they are, and what they can do, and why they need support.

This is it. This is me. and This is everything in between.

Amen. Thank you. And listen to yourself.